From Socks to Sales: What My 5-Year-Old’s Meltdown Taught Me About Leadership and Growth
The other day, my 5-year-old son gave me an unexpected lesson in learned helplessness.
We’re encouraging him to take on small tasks, like putting on his socks—something he’s capable of but often relies on us to do. One morning, he managed to get one sock on perfectly but had a full emotional meltdown over the second one. I ended up helping not just with the sock, but also with co-regulating his intense emotions.
Learned helplessness is a pattern where we feel powerless to change our circumstances, even when we could. This often develops early in life, through unresponsive caregiving or environments where we feel limited. As adults, it shows up in how we tackle challenges at work and in life.
I found myself asking, Why does he do this?
Over the next few days, I noticed the same pattern in myself—especially with tasks that overwhelm me or where I don’t see immediate results. I start but often don’t finish, particularly things like taxes or sales activities. I realized that, like my son, I sometimes fall into learned helplessness.
It’s not that we can’t complete these tasks. But the expectation of frustration or failure makes us give up or ask for help before finishing. As adults, we usually don’t throw tantrums—we just become numb to the emotional discomfort.
What I learned from this experience is that learned helplessness can show up in everyday actions. Breaking the cycle starts with recognizing the pattern.
Learned helplessness isn’t just an individual issue; it’s shaped by social systems, personal histories, and our positions within those systems. Often, what looks like personal failure is actually linked to external structures that limit us. By reflecting on both our environment and our behaviors, we can reclaim our sense of agency and rewrite limiting narratives.
How to recognize learned helplessness:
Avoiding new challenges: Shying away from tasks, assuming failure without trying.
Persistent self-blame: Believing failures are due to personal inadequacies, overlooking systemic limitations.
Lack of initiative: Seeing potential solutions but feeling stuck or powerless to act.
Steps to overcome learned helplessness:
Challenge assumptions: Ask if your conclusions are based on facts or outdated beliefs.
Set small, achievable goals: Focus on small wins to build momentum (SMART goals can help).
Practice self-compassion: Recognize that failure is part of growth and doesn’t define your worth.
Having young kids continues to be one of my greatest sources of learning and leadership. Reflecting on our behaviors with curiosity not only fosters personal growth but also enhances our ability to lead others. Curiosity, after all, is a cornerstone of leadership.
He did it ❤️